Dating in Mexico as a female expat

Part of me is already chuckling at this topic because it’s a touchy one to cover. I will begin by saying that each and every one of us 1) has different standards when it comes to self and others and 2) are looking for something specific that will surely differ from one scenario to another.

That said, I have found the local dating scene to be discouraging. When I first arrived I dated a Mexican guy that I quickly found out was much younger than he claimed, which likely explained his lack of everything…lack of independence, self confidence, life experience…you name it.

At the time he worked nights and I worked during the day from home. When he was done work he thought it appropriate to “hang out” at my place all day, even though I’d requested otherwise, explaining that I was trying to work and the television was distracting.

From that he often accused me of 1) not caring about him 2) not wanting to spend time with him and then eventually 3) cheating on him with someone else.

That “relationship” quickly ended.

That following year I met an older guy. He was 50. An architect. We did okay in the beginning until one day I learned that he lived at home (under the same roof with his mother) until he was 45. A very common arrangement in the Mexican culture.

A hundred flags raised all at once as the reason for all his bad behaviors came to light. He was incredibly lazy. I mean completely unmotivated. For example, when we first began dating there were a few dead cockroaches on the floor near the sliding glass patio doors of his apartment. They were there for months (but according to him they were there nearly the entire year that he owned the condo). I was the one to finally remove them.

For a man his age, he owned nothing. Even the 25-year-old Volkswagen beater he drove was a hand-me-down from his mother. He anticipated being spoken to first every morning, having things done for him and even his lost objects found on his behalf. One can only assume these were past motherly duties.

I lasted four months and never dated again…although, I have friends who have, and I have men who have tried.

Here’s the lowdown on Mexican men.

From my experiences, I would say 80 percent of the Mexican men are married with kids…and by married, I mean living with the mother of their children. Formal marriages are not necessary here to be deemed married.

With that said, 80 percent of those men will swear up and down they are single. They will never mention their kids let alone a wife and will pursue you like any interested single man would. Most men working the tourist industries such as shows, are instructed to “be single” to earn more tips.

While there are always exceptions, most Mexican men will date any woman that is non-Mexican. Period. You can be big or small. Green or blue. Diseased or healthy. Blond or brunette (although blondes are preferred). Why are they so willing to date non-Mexican women, you ask?

Because they watch too much television. Television, American movies in particular, are HUGE here and more times than not American movies are full of rich people and blonde women, two things they have come to idolize and put together as a package, meaning they assume all American people are rich.

For most Mexicans, a non-Mexican person is automatically American. It doesn’t occur to them that perhaps you are European or Canadian or Australian or British…you’re automatically a rich American, which means dating you can alleviate all their financial worries (not to mention give them a social status boost).

They find no shame in using a woman as a financial resource. As one man once told me, “I do it because you can afford it and I can’t.” Hmmm…

He must be mistaken since I work locally and earn pesos the same as he does. When I mention this, more times than not their face changes and their interest wanes.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met non-Mexican women who have hooked up with a Mexican guy. He’s a dreamboat in the beginning in all his romantic glory. Paying for this and that. Kissing, hold hands, long beach days and longer beach nights drinking wine and cuddling.

But it’s not long before they suggest moving in together and starting a life, to which the woman is honored and believes a new life in Mexico with her new Mexican love is just what the doctor ordered. After the house for two is settled, she realizes he doesn’t have his half of the rent (again), or money for the bills or groceries…and getting them out is impossible because more times than not, the contract will be in his name since he’s the local and you are not.

If you want to buy a place, expect it to be a solo purchase because he won’t have anything like money saved (not even for a rainy day) or a credit rating that would afford him a mortgage of his own…and again, if the relationship goes south, expect hardship getting him out. You will likely need to get a court order because that’s how it’s done in Mexico.

Many Mexican’s live on credit in a big bad way. Mind you, so do many Americans. Here, however, if you’re considering dating a Mexican guy, be prepared. Not only are you likely to be the principal breadwinner, I’ve also met women who have made his credit card payment because he cannot.

When a local guy has large items (large tv, car, car stereo, designer clothes) and a menial job (sells tickets, timeshares, tours along the beach, etc.) those are all commission jobs (no salary!) so there’s is a good chance all his stuff is on credit somewhere. Credit card interest rates in Mexico start at 39.9 percent.

Walking the streets here will get you a lot of stares and whistles, something I find rude and demeaning…the complete opposite of what they’re trying to accomplish. I prefer men who are settled in life, who are educated, experienced and focused. There are many, many, many Mexican men like this. However, they are the married ones. The good ones that got snapped up quickly by smart women.

Of course, dating non-Mexican men is always an option, but I have found the available ones to be slightly “unbalanced” in their running from an unhappy past life or trying to forget a nasty or painful divorce.

Again, we all look for different things and have different standards and levels of tolerance we are willing to give into for a relationship. For the first few years, I did try dating but in the end, it just wasn’t for me.